screams

the screams don't come out anymore.
why would they?
to fall on deaf ears
to be heard by uncaring
self centered people
who live in a perfect world.
or rather a world they make perfect
by forcing their perfection
their ideas
their beliefs
their opinions
their ways
on every one and every thing.

the screaming stopped
when my throat ached
bled
from screaming inside my head.
voicing myself
my hurt
my joy
my cares
my lack thereof
my ever increasing pain
stopped
when i got sick of my voice
falling on ears that refused to listen
because in their own minds
they are always right.
i am always wrong.
living stopped
when i figured out
that this isn't living;
it's existing.

e. e. cummings was one of my favorites. This isn't his.

complete

What I'm not sure about is if our lives have been any different from the lives of the people we save. We all complete. Maybe none of us really understand what we've lived through, or feel we've had enough time.

Carey Mulligan and Andrew Garfield as Kathy H and Tommy D in Never Let Me Go, directed by Mark Romanek and based on the novel by Kazuo Ishiguro.

This took forever. I'd say 25-30 hours of work. I hope it shows. Decided to 86 the gravel path after trying several different ways of drawing gravel, none of which were successful. So it's a dirt path. The grass, however, I did do.

I think I've stared at this for too long. I see what I did wrong everywhere. But it looks rather good, over all.

artwork: the original intention

So, an entry within the context of what this blog was originally created for. Rare, but they do happen.

This first one is a WIP of David Tennant as the 10th Doctor on BBC's Doctor Who. For those who don't know, it was my favorite show. And then they brought on Matt Smith to play the Doctor and lost Russell T. Davies in the writing department and things just went downhill fast.

Second, I have a drawing I started back in June before making the official move back out here to LA. I saw Never Let Me Go while at home, and fell in love with it. If you've been reading my blog, you know just how much I love it because I'm always talking about it or Atonement. Well, I wanted to draw something from it, and after my massive success with my 3 Atonement paintings--specifically the one of Robbie and Cecilia at the fountain, I decided that I could draw something crazy. So, I took on the challenge of 2 full people, and a mess of a background. This is the current progress. As in, I took this photo moments before starting to write this entry. I have Carey's hair to go and then about half the background and then this crazy complicated complex consuming thing is finished.

Next up... a recent project. As in I started it a matter of days ago. I went to an art supply store to get more turpenoid because I'm running low, and they were having a huge sale. That's a dangerous thing, really.... so I came home with a few more things than just turpenoid. This is actually a painting of Emma Watson. Yes yes, I know it looks nothing like her right now. It sort of doesn't look like anyone right now, for that matter. Just be patient with me.

Fourth up, a little sketch I've been doing of my older sister, Heidi, and the most wonderful cat who ever lived, Chelsey. It's based on a photo I have in my jewelry box, of the two of us in fancy Christmas dresses our mom made for us, each holding out cat. I think Heidi is...maybe 7 in the photo?


I MISS MY CAT. D: